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them. You lied to me! Just like he did. Here I was planning
on apologizing to you for thinking that you were anything like
Sam but I was wrong again. Because you are. You re just
fucking like him.
Pushing away and to his feet, Riley s hands clenched into
fists at his side. Trace half expected to get a right hook any
second.
Damn you! You ve been lying to me all along, just working on
me, getting me to trust you, to believe in you, to lo& Riley s
voice trailed off and he shook his head. Trace flinched at
Riley s harsh accusations, all of which were completely true.
He took a step toward him but Riley turned away, staring out
the window. Don t touch me. Don t even come near me.
Trace s chest tightened and he took a shaky breath. Riley,
please, let me explain&
This was worse than he d imagined. And damn if he didn t
deserve every harsh word and angry glare.
Riley spun around and the look in his eyes broke Trace s
heart right in two. He d done that. Because he was a coward,
Riley was hurting. Fuck, fuck.
Explain what? How stupid you thought I was, all this time
playing me like a goddamn flute? Jesus!
Trace shook his head, swallowing hard. No. No, darlin , I
don t think you re stupid. Pretty sure I am but you re not. I was
a coward and knew you d never get involved with me if you
knew. I admit that I was selfish and didn t He broke off and
looked down, then back up, gathering himself. I didn t want
to waste what time I had 130
His Every Breath
left, however long it was. It made me see, even if I got better,
how short life is and how fast it can change and be snatched
away. Then there you were, this beautiful angel and I swear
to God, Riley, I didn t set out to hurt you. I just wanted to love
you. I swear.
Didn t set out to hurt me? Riley asked, his eyebrows going
up. How do you figure that? Even if you hadn t lied, what if
this treatment doesn t work? You let me fall in love with you
knowing there was a chance that it might not, knowing you
could die and I d be alone again.
Riley took another step back, shaking his head furiously.
You ve been lying to me ever since that first night. Lying
about being sick, lying about where you were going and what
you were doing& all so you could keep on being selfish.
Riley turned his back on Trace, his whole body tense and
tight. Don t come near me. I can t even look at you and not
be angry right now.
Trace stared at Riley s stiff back, his heart thudding heavily in
his chest. Funny, it was still beating. He would have sworn it
was broken.
What can I do, Riley? To make this right, you have to let me
make this
I don t have to do anything! Leave me alone, Trace. If you
want to do anything for me, just leave me the fuck alone!
Riley didn t turn around and Trace swallowed past the lump
in his throat, nodding.
All right, all right, darlin & He took a step back, then
another, every one painful when all he wanted to do was
make Riley see he hadn t intended for this to happen. He
paused at the doorway, drawing a shaky breath. Don t
leave, Riley. Please just stay, give me a chance. I ll leave you
alone, long as you need, just& don t leave.
Riley didn t move a beautiful, cold statue radiating fury and
hurt.
I m not going anywhere. Just& go away. I need to be alone
right now.
Trace didn t say anything, afraid if he did Riley would
explode at him and things would get worse. He ached to go
explode at him and things would get worse. He ached to go
to him, hold him until Riley understood he hadn t meant to
hurt him, just love him. But he didn t. He slipped out of the
living room to give Riley the privacy he wanted, probably
needed. He d promised not to leave. That would have to be
enough for now.
131
Fae Sutherland & Chelsea James
Chapter Fourteen
Sighing, Riley stared at the door to the guest bedroom. Part
of him didn t want to knock, didn t want to disturb Trace, but
he couldn t let this go on any longer. Despite his pretended
indifference, the hurt looks Trace gave him every time they
happened to be in the same room were cutting Riley to the
quick. Trace was leaving for Chicago first thing in the
morning and Riley couldn t bear to let him go with this barrier
still between them.
He hadn t handled things well there was no way around it.
Riley hadn t been able to bring himself to ask what was
wrong with Trace, what the doctors had said. Part of him just
didn t want to know, almost wished that Trace had continued
to keep him in the dark. But Riley had come to the conclusion
that he was holding on too tightly to the anger over Trace
lying to him, when the reasons why were far more important.
Lifting a hand, Riley took a deep breath and knocked on the
closed door, pushing it open and peering through the
shadowy darkness at Trace, then slipping inside. I need to
talk to you.
The sheets rustled as Trace flipped on the bedside lamp and
Riley s heart ached at the worry on his lover s face. He
looked haggard and Riley hadn t ever felt so guilty. Trace
must be terrified. He stepped farther into the room, standing
a foot or two away from the bed.
I, um& I ve been doing a lot of thinking these last couple
days and I& Riley broke off as his voice shook, his
composure rattled when he met Trace s eyes. The lingering
hurt and worry there was all it took and Riley closed the
distance between them in a step, sinking down on the edge
of the bed and reaching out to cup Trace s cheek.
I m so sorry. I ve been such an ass, only thinking about
myself and how upset I was and how hurt I ve been awful.
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