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lizard s.
A bloody pink iguana, that s what it is, Thaxton said.
It s a basilisk. Look it in the eyes and you re a dead man.
I wouldn t give it a second glance.
Thaxton retrieved his bag, took out a new ball, and threw it over his
shoulder. He picked up the scattered clubs and rebagged them. Having scoped
out his shot, he chose an iron and addressed the ball. He swung. Clinically
eyeing the ball s trajectory, he picked up his bag and made his way toward the
green.
The basilisk was lounging in the grass near the greenside bunker, into which
Thaxton s ball had dropped. When Thaxton, wedge in hand, came trudging into
the sand, the creature lifted its head to watch.
Pretty good lie, the basilisk commented. But that s packed sand. It can be
tricky.
Thaxton ignored it.
I d say your best bet was to use the pitching wedge, not the sand wedge.
You re not going to get very far just trying to blast it out.
Thaxton gritted his teeth and took his stance. He swung mightily. Exploding
out of the sand, the ball ricocheted off the lip of the green and arched back
into the bunker.
Damn it all!
Told you, the basilisk said.
Oh, go to blazes!
The basilisk chuckled. Temper, temper.
Thaxton took a few practice swings, then addressed the ball, now nearer the
green. He changed his mind and fetched another club, the pitching wedge.
Good idea, the creature said.
Thaxton mumbled something and swung. The ball bounded across the green and
wound up a good
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Best you could hope for, the basilisk said. Not a bad shot, actually.
Thank you, Thaxton said sardonically.
You know, it s impolite not to look at someone when you talk to him.
Sorry, busy day, you know. Can t stop to chat.
Well, fine. No one ever does. Why should you be any different? It s still
very rude.
Look, Thaxton said heatedly over his shoulder, I m bloody sick and tired of
being chatted up by phantasms
. So if you don t think it too awfully rude of me, I d like to play a bit of
golf without being continually bothered by something out of a bleeding
nightmare.
I bet you can t look me in the eye and say that.
Thaxton spun around. Look here, I can bloody well
The next thing he knew the bunker was in his face. He got up on his elbows,
spat sand, and twisted around to see that Dalton had him by the legs. It had
been a pretty solid tackle for an elderly man, and
Thaxton was amazed.
I knew the thing would goad you into it, Dalton said.
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Oh. Uh, thanks. Thanks, old boy. Lost my head, I m afraid.
They got up and brushed off sand.
One look at that fellow, Dalton said, and you die.
Next thing you ll say, the basilisk said peevishly, is that my breath can
kill, too. And then you ll repeat that old libel about my kind being hatched
on a dunghill out of cock s eggs.
Sorry, Dalton said. Nothing personal.
Yeah, I ll bet some of your best friends are basilisks.
With a haughty shake of its head, the creature wheeled its scaly bulk around
and slithered away.
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Castle War
The damnedest thing is, Thaxton said, they re all so bloody sensitive
.
Well, minority touchiness. Are you ready to putt?
Both putted, both for a bogey.
Walking away from the green, Thaxton yawned.
Excuse me! God. Dalton, how long would you say we ve been at this?
I ve lost all track of time.
Seems it s been days to me. Couldn t be, though. We haven t even played
eighteen holes.
Time runs differently in different universes.
Yes, but I m speaking of subjective time. I think we ve been at this for over
twenty-four hours.
Could be, Dalton said. It s been slow going. We lost a few hours resting
your leg after lunch.
Well, I don t know about you, but I m bloody fagged out.
Then let s book a room at yonder hotel.
What? Thaxton halted and looked. Oh. Well, that s convenient, I must say.
Told you this course was well designed.
By an inspired psychotic. Look at that thing.
TARTARUS INN
Bed and Breakfast
All Gentle Beings Welcome
The building was a Gothic monstrosity with turrets and cupolas, widow s walks
and rosette windows.
Rolling moors surrounded it, wreaths of mist draping the withered sedge and
gnarled clumps of grass.
Lightning split the sky, and thunder rolled across the bogs.
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Oh, I can see I m going to get a lot of sleep here, Thaxton said. By the
way, how do we pay for this?
Well, I still carry my American Express Card, out of habit, Dalton said. I
was going to flash it at the restaurant, until events obviated it.
Why of course, sir, the gargoyle desk clerk said. We take all major credit
cards.
Good, Dalton said. A double with a private bath?
We have a wonderful room in the east wing with a view of the Blasted Heath.
How nice, Thaxton said.
Dalton signed the guest register while Thaxton inspected the gift shop.
Talismans, pentacles, and other occult paraphernalia were plentiful, along
with the usual scented soaps, inscribed mugs, and saltwater taffy. He stared
in fascination at the Cthulhu dolls. The bellhop came and he had to tear
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himself away.
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