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my back and his hips against my ass. He wasn t hard yet, but that
wouldn t take long.
I shut off the water and pushed the coffeepot aside. Do you
really want to go down this road again?
Yes. He kissed the side of my neck.
I closed my eyes, pretending his touch didn t make my skin
crawl, and wondering when Rick had started having that effect on
me instead of a more pleasant one. And, for that matter, how long
it had been since his touch had made me smile instead of shudder.
Quite possibly since his attitude had put Brad off being with me.
No, it had definitely happened before that, but now that Brad had
ended things, Rick s touch and his presence were more than just
off-putting.
Oblivious to my revulsion, Rick caressed my cheek. I want to
try again, Zan.
Haven t we done this enough times? I stiffened in his arms.
I m& It s& Jesus, Rick. My shoulders sagged. It s exhausting.
And you re worth it.
You re not. I managed to bite down on the response and not let
it slip out, but just the thought was enough to rattle me. It was true.
He wasn t worth it.
We can t. Calling on every bit of willpower I had, I freed
myself from his embrace and faced him, relieved to finally have a
little bit of space between us, even if I knew damn well it wouldn t
last. Rick, I just& I can t.
What? His eyebrows knitted together, but after a moment, his
gaze turned to a glare. You re hung up on that fucking roadie,
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aren t you?
More than you know. I narrowed my eyes. That s none of your
goddamned business. The only part that is your business is that
we I gestured emphatically at both of us are done. Before he
could come up with a response, I shook my head and stepped back.
We have to work together. The band s counting on us, and we re
counting on each other. But if we re at each other s throats, it s all
going to fall apart.
So you re putting the band ahead of us.
I have to, Rick. You and me, we can t make this work. The
band, though&
And what if I m miserable being in the band while I m not
with you?
I resisted the nearly overpowering urge to roll my eyes. So I
should be with you just to keep the peace?
That s& I didn t mean&
I m kind of over the emotional blackmail. I folded my arms,
not even caring how defensive I looked. You keep asking me to
come back to you because we re touring together and it ll get
weird. But the thing I can t avoid anymore is that we re miserable
together. That, and if you re going to play the band card, I should
remind you we agreed a long, long time ago, that the band came
first.
That was before I felt this way about you.
Unfortunately, I don t feel the same way.
He stared at me. Zan&
I love you, Rick, I whispered. I always will. But we re
miserable together.
He narrowed his eyes. Why were we never this miserable
before you met my tech?
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I rolled my eyes. Really? You think I was just biding my time
until someone else came along?
You tell me. You were always more than happy to try again,
but suddenly now you re digging your heels in.
So I ve been miserable all this time, why bother changing
things? Is that it?
So that s it. And you re just going to go on screwing my tech
right under my nose while
And how many people have you screwed right under my
nose? I shouted.
We both jumped. Stopped. Stared at each other.
Zan&
What? I clenched my teeth. You didn t think I noticed? Or
did you think that would just make me come crawling back to you
instead of going and finding someone who I actually like being
with?
His eyes widened.
I ll always love you, Rick, I said. But I m not in love with
you.
You re in love with that fuckwit tech, aren t you?
Maybe. My heart flipped. I d spoken without even thinking,
and now that I did think, I didn t retract it. Maybe I am. Or will be
if he and I have a chance to get off the ground.
Rolling his eyes, Rick snorted. You barely know the guy,
Zan.
Yeah, that s true. And maybe time will change the way I feel
about him. I narrowed my eyes. But the way I feel about him is a
hell of a lot more appealing than what I feel for you.
Rick s lips parted. What?
You heard me. I waved a hand. We re done, Rick. Done.
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And that idiot dumped you anyway. Rick smirked at me. At
least I m giving you a chance.
Oh, that s real flattering. I folded my arms across my chest
again. And for that matter, being with him for even a short time
was what made me realize that we I gestured at him, then
myself need to give it up.
That doesn t make any sense.
Yes, it does. You know why, Rick? Because being with you
is My voice cracked. I turned away until I d collected myself a
little. I cleared my throat just to be sure, and faced him. Because
being with you is the only thing that hurts worse than not being
with him.
He jumped as if I d just slapped him across the face.
I swallowed. I m sorry if it hurts to hear that. I am. I m not in
this to hurt you or anyone else. But& it s the truth.
Fine. I can t force you to be with me. He set his shoulders
back. Soon as this tour is over, I m out of here.
I was too exhausted and worn down to react with more than a
shrug. Fine.
Really? He snorted. So you re not into putting the band first
anymore?
Not if I m being emotionally blackmailed, no. You re using
the band as leverage to bend me to your will. I want what s best for
the band, and quite honestly, what s best for the band is not to have
the two of us arguing incessantly. They notice that, you know.
He clenched his teeth. If I quit, then your man s out of a job.
I shrugged again. Until we hire a new guitarist, maybe.
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