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Oh. The truth hits me. I chose him.
Yeah, asshole, you chose Joe. The line clicks dead and
I let the phone drop into my lap.
35
Inseparable " Chris Scully
Maria is leaning forward anxiously, obviously aware that
something has just happened. What is it?
I don t think I have a girlfriend anymore. I suppose I
should be upset or something, but the truth is, I m just
relieved. Things are confusing enough as they are. Maybe I
should feel guiltier than I do, but I m pretty sure if I loved
someone I wouldn t give up on them so easily. At least I hope
so.
You broke up? Joe is standing in the kitchen doorway
with his hands in his pockets. You never said anything.
Why didn t you tell me?
Hello, amnesia. It s like he forgot I can t remember.
Do I always tell you stuff?
Yeah, he says, but like he s not so sure anymore.
Interesting. What else haven t I told him?
Maria is watching us closely, a look of bemusement on
her face. I find myself blushing at her scrutiny. Well, boys,
gotta run. She drops the photo album back into my lap.
I ve got a hot date. I ll leave you two single guys alone.
Is your family always like this? I ask.
Joe crumples his face in mock suffering. Pretty much,
yeah.
We re your family too, you know. Maria loops an arm
around my neck and plants a wet, affectionate kiss on my
cheek. We kind of adopted you, Adam.
Joe sees Maria to the door, and I can hear them argue
quietly but can t make out the words. Joe was right his
family is crazy. Ten minutes with Maria and I m exhausted. I
36
Inseparable " Chris Scully
shudder to think what holidays with the whole group must
be like. I pick up the Christmas album Maria was looking at.
The page is open at a group photo of the whole animated
Massone family grinning for the camera. My eyes are drawn
just below, to a candid shot of one of Joe s nieces tearing
into her present with Joe and me seated on a couch in the
background. I m watching the action and laughing and Joe&
well, Joe is watching me. There is such naked longing in his
face that it sucks whatever breath is left in my lungs away.
Hungry?
What? I slam the album shut guiltily.
Are you hungry? Joe asks with an indulgent smile. I
can heat up some of Mom s soup.
Sure. Yeah, that would be great.
We should probably ice you up again too, he calls over
his shoulder as he heads into the kitchen. As soon as he s
out of sight, I flip the album back open, my heart beating
wildly. It s still there. Even I can t miss it. He loves me. Not
as a best friend or a brother Joe is in love with me. And the
thought isn t as frightening or uncomfortable as it should be.
In fact it makes me& happy.
My lack of memory has never been so frustrating. I need
to know. I need to know who I am.
AFTER two bowls of Mrs. Massone s minestrone and a couple
of heavenly cannoli, I feel strong enough to start digging into
my past. Sitting on the edge of my bed where I can survey
37
Inseparable " Chris Scully
the entire room, I try to think of myself as a puzzle. Who is
Adam Beck? So far all I know is that I m a twenty-nine-year-
old, girlfriend-less project manager with a closet full of
khakis and button-down shirts. When my eyes fall on a beat-
up laptop on the desk, I realize it s exactly what I need to
help me learn more about myself.
The machine boots up slowly, whirring and chugging to
life. While I wait, I prop myself up against the headboard,
cushioned by a buffer of pillows with the computer on my
lap. Fortunately the laptop is not password enabled and
automatically connects me to the network. I don t even have
to think; my hands seem to still know their way around a
computer as I navigate through the system. The hard drive
gives me nothing, consisting mostly of downloaded music
and movies, so I open up a browser window and hit my
bookmarked list. The standard assortment of e-mail tools,
file-sharing sites nothing remarkable here. Hang on, what s
this? Buried two levels deep in the bookmarks is a folder
called XXX. The normalness of it makes me smile. So Adam
likes his porn. Nothing wrong with that as long as I m not
into anything real kinky or
Gay? Oh my God, it s all gay porn judging by the names
of the sites and there are more than a few. My stomach
flutters with excitement as if I m on the verge of some
important discovery. I hover over the mouse pad, torn
between wanting to look and wanting to pretend I never saw
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